I try not to get too personal on this blog, but sometimes I just need to write things out for my sake. I wanted to share two of my favorite places I have been to: Iceland and the desert. Both are like society detox to me.
I drove around Iceland, got lost a few times, went off the paved path (literally, with our rental car), braved a whale watching tour in the Arctic Ocean, (iced ocean water being dumped on me) and loved every moment of it. I felt alive. The desert is another therapeutic place. You can see all the stars. You can hear the quiet and I love the heat in the middle of the day on your feet. The first time I was there, we did not own smart phones, so the ol' atlas was our guide through lonely forgotten highways. When I think about these times, I realize I feel like a zombie more than I would like. Why can't I feel like I am interacting with society and creating art all the time? When I want to be brave, I think of a coach and a particular professor. Although, they may have long forgotten me, I do remember them. They challenged me and I went above and beyond. If I don't do what I love and do it well, I feel as if I may somehow being disappointing their whole idea of me somehow. They knew I could do better even when I myself did not. There was sort of this promise of a future.
I feel like I am giving up, settling in, and just holding on for something that will more than likely not have a huge pay off in the end. This isn't the Cindy I know. The Cindy I know strives for challenge, adventure, incentive, and surrounds herself with like-minded individuals. The well is dry. I am young, I should be the one learning, but more and more lately I feel like the creative road I was once on is moving farther and farther away. I need to make a U-turn. Now. So often, we settle into our lives and tell ourselves, "I'll do next week, I will do it next month...." Weeks pass, months pass, and years pass and we are still unhappy. We tell ourselves things like, "This is the way it's supposed to be." Well, maybe it's not. I've never allowed myself to be unhappy for very long and always made moves around the board to temporarily fix this. This time, however, I need to make a major move. Our lives are short and we deserve to live them how we would like. Sometimes, this means taking risks. I am a firm believer that when you are doing something you love you work harder. When you work harder at something you love, you start to shine. Working 15 hour or more hours on something you love is more important to me than working 8 hours on something my heart is not in. Why settle for this? Why not give it your all? I am a firm believer that doing something you are passionate about and love will have a better pay off in the end. I want to have the same feeling I do when I am in unknown territory, like Iceland or the desert. I want to get lost, find my way back myself, spend all day learning and improving my skills, and do what I know will make me happy and advance in my career in the future. Let's do this.
A few things - Surround yourself with like-minded people. - It's best not to listen to your parents. - Listen to yourself, trust you instincts. - Don't allow yourself to come home from a rough work day and sit in front the of television. Turn off the tv, put music on, and do something creative that is good for your mind and well being.